Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
