are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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