Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
