She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
