I wish I only lived at night.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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