i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
