Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
