You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
