you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
