he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
