Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
