look no pants
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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