if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
