On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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