just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
