I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
