had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When are your genitals available?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
