This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
