Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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