pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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