You really coming over, don't trick.
You work out of a Hotel?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
