He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
