So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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