did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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