Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
