i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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