Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
