Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
