I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
