nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I will be naked everywhere
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
