He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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