well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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