I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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