He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
