This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
