508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
