You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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