Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
