would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize