She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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