margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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