So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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