Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
