I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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