Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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