I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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