hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
