Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
