Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
