I can't watch pbs sober anymore
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
