I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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