The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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