If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
