i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
we're so committed to being not committed
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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