The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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