dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
