dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
