Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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