My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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