Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
fuck your aforementioned shoe
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
