Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
