I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
