never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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