I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Randomize
