U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Randomize
