umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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