Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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