I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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