I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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