paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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