I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Vodka?
Forever.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
