Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
