I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
